The Road To Happiness (Part Two)

Ann K Gryczan

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​Hi again! When we left off in Part One I made a suggestion about how to get started on the road to happiness – a sort of preparatory, loosening up action to make happiness an option. It was: let other drivers in! How did it go? Did you notice anything in particular?

Now let’s take the next leg of this journey…

Let Us Be in the Traffic Together

Here we are, all jammed up with everyone else in the traffic. All of us trying to get away and at the same time not touch each other. The other drivers are either focused and maneuvering, fighting for every inch or they’re not paying any attention at all: drifting along, not using their turn signals, looking at their phones.

​Now What?

How do we find the happiness here? The first thing to do is to separate Out There from In Here. Out There is the traffic – jammed up, stinky, loud, impatient. In Here is what we think and feel about Out There – frustrated, fearful about being late, angry or even furious at the other drivers, having conversations inside our heads as we experience each emotional state.

It seems obvious to the mind that Out There happens first and then we have a reaction to it In Here. But actually, Out and In are simultaneous. In Here sets the pattern – made of all our thoughts, decisions and memories since forever – out of which we experience Out There, in this case, the traffic. So if we want to get out of this traffic jam, we have to start In Here.

So let’s bring our attention to In Here. Let’s try out some of our options. Don’t worry if any or all of what I am about to suggest seems impossible – or highly undesirable. You might be in no mood! That’s alright. At first, we are just tinkering with In Here to see what happens.

Tinkering with In Here

1. Generosity

Generosity is an antidote to struggle and limitation, a familiar theme in traffic experiences, so let’s add some generosity into the mix and see what happens. In the last post I suggested letting someone go ahead of you. Try taking this a step further and let a car going ahead of you really matter. Imagine that you are actually making someone’s life better. Tune into your desire to be generous, if you can.

2. Awareness

Try widening your attention to include more of the whole jam. Extend your awareness to the cars further away from you; the ones stuck all the way down the line. Now try to move them. Be in charge of the whole jam! Like this: make an opening to let someone turn in front of you so the opposite line of cars can move. See if from your (very stuck) position you can have an affect on someone’s life two blocks down, or even on the whole jam; imagine that everyone gets home, not just you.

3. Allowance

Forgive the other drivers their foibles, like being idiots (or fill in your word) or not using their turn signals (and you were waiting!). Allow them to be okay with you, even love them! Just see what happens.

What Happens?

It never seems this way to the ego/mind, but life works better for us when we extend – through generosity, gratitude and forgiveness – rather than when we contract in self-preservation, self-gratification and protection. Even so, this might not feel possible, especially in traffic.

So what happened for you? Did you feel some movement? Did it feel good to ease someone’s way?

%##%!!!

Maybe not. Maybe you don’t feel generous or loving or anything even close to it. Maybe your feelings are on the whole other side of the spectrum: pure rage. Okay!

Let that be okay and ask the rage: What are you mad about? The rage will think it is about the traffic and the other drivers. It will say something like, %##%!!! traffic!! Or, %##%!!! idiots!

Now say to the rage: Yes, and why be mad about it?

If we really look at it, it will come down to not getting what we want. It is very basic. The problem with traffic is that we are not getting what we want, right now, when we want it.

And what is the problem with that exactly? Is there some reason we should get what we want when we want it? To this idea the rage might say, %##%!!!.

The Ego’s Secret

Now we have gotten down to what is really going on. We have found the ego’s secret.

We have entered the ego’s secret world where everything comes down to Me (with a capital M) versus Life itself; Me versus everything and everyone; Me versus the Infinite; Me versus the source of All That Is, beyond all time, words or description.

To simplify things we will call this dynamic ‘Me versus God.’ This is going on all the time. Traffic makes it visible and that is why traffic is the road to happiness. Because once this dynamic is visible, we can address it at the core instead of thinking we have a problem with something Out There. It is never about something Out There; it is always Me versus God.

The ego’s competition with God is the source of all our struggles and pain, and all the problems we have and will ever have.

At the very bottom of it, the problem with traffic is that the ego is experiencing a challenge to its belief that it is God.

Two year-old children believe this also and you can sometimes meet them in grocery stores experiencing this same challenge.

Now We Can Change the World

Once we know the ego’s secret, we can change the world. In the next post and final installment I will show you how.

For now, in this next week or two, see what happens when you practice extending instead of contracting. Try being allowing, forgiving and generous every time you are out driving, in a good mood or bad, and especially if you are in a hurry or if the traffic is all jammed up. Try the things we talked about and/or make up new strategies.

Let rage come up, if it does. Instead of aligning with it, or thinking it has anything to do with Out There, try standing back and observing it, as you might observe a child kicking and screaming in the grocery store.

Let me know how it goes! Until next time, I wish you every success in the traffic. In the next post, I will show you how to use traffic – by way of the ego’s secret – to find the road to happiness any time you want.

Until then, see you in the traffic!
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P.S. How is it going for you out there in the traffic? Tell us your traffic stories... Have a question? Leave it too.