The Ego’s Pleasure Meter

Ann K Gryczan

​Do you know that even in horrible situations, the ego is having a great time? At our expense, I might add. And its pursuit of pleasure entices us in directions we don’t really want to go. Read on to find out how you can know what the ego’s pleasure is in any situation so you can take the power out of it and let it go.

How to Know What the Ego is Getting Out of Any Situation (Especially “Bad” Ones)

These directions are especially useful for personal relationships, but they apply to any situation, person, group or the world in general.

Take very brief notes as you follow these steps (the ego/mind is very good at covering up every step we take on the way to getting its number):

1. Choose a specific experience of a dynamic between you and another, that on the face of it, you don’t want to persist.
   
   
2. When you think of it, what does it feel like? Feel it. This doesn’t mean express it (although you can), but just be aware of the feeling. (It can be useful to use the emotional common denominators: mad, sad, glad, scared.)
   
   
3. Notice the sensation in the body that comes with the emotion. Feel it too.
   
   
4. Notice the thoughts, images and memories that may be present.
   
   
5. Let all of it intensify. For example, if the chest is tight and full of fear, let it be tighter and more fearful. If there is a particular thought or memory, dwell on that thought.
   
   
6. Now as you feel all this, ask yourself: What am I doing here? What about this feels good in some way? What do I like about this? Be willing to find out. 

These can seem like crazy ideas, but the ego/mind thrives on negativity so its pleasure in something painful won’t necessary make sense at first.

Very important: Let whatever answers you get be okay! Remember you are not the ego, you are the light of life itself and knowing what the ego is up to will help you remember that.

Common Pleasures for the Ego/Mind in So-Called Bad Situations

• The situation feels somehow familiar or comfortable.
• The boundaries are certain and therefore, safe.
• It is a good way to avoid something worse happening.
• The game is won because the other person is out of control.
• This position is a good excuse to avoid responsibility or failure.
• Being “wronged” can feel very righteous and superior.
• It can be vengeance, control or getting even which are all delicious to the ego/mind.

There are myriad possibilities but they all have a common denominator: the ego is gaining power and control. That is just what egos try to do. And it is good to know what the ego is up to because when we don’t, we are aligning with it and letting it use our life energy to grow stronger. Which is easy to do! The ego’s story is always very compelling and emotionally satisfying and it can be easy to get drawn into it.

Remember to write down the ego’s pleasure once you’ve got a sense of it.  

How to Let Go

Now that you have an idea of the ego’s pleasure – even a little, you know its position – and knowing its position gives you a choice. The door of the cage is open – freedom is yours if you choose.

It takes great humility to let go of a position, but there is nothing better for clearing up your problems and remembering who you really are. A position is a stance the ego is taking to get the most out of a situation – like being right or a martyr. Remember, you are not the ego – egos love things like vengeance and being right, and they love to be victims and poor things. They love all their games. But we are not the ego and we can always choose to not play.

Here’s How

1. Now that you have identified the ego’s pleasure, feel into it. Feel how good it feels.
   
   
2. Say to yourself, This (name the pleasure) feels great (and let it be okay with you that it feels great). Then say, And I really like it.
   
   
3. Now remember your highest dedication in your life. What is your goal? At the end of your life, who do you want to see that you were? Write it down.
   
   
4. Now, ask yourself, Does this position (state the ego’s pleasure again) serve my goal to (state your dedication in life)?
   
   
5. See what you get (yes or no).
   
   
6. If, No, for example, being snarky and right does not serve my dedication to being loving and kind, now ask, Am I willing to let the pleasure go? (Yes or no.)
   
   
7. If the answer is yes and you are willing, say, Even though I really like (name the pleasure) and it really feels good, it is in the way of love, it is not the person I want to be. It makes me forget who I am and forget my friend (or the beloved or whomever is with you in this situation).
   
   
8. The last step is to say, Since this pleasure – even though I really like it – does not serve my highest goal, I will therefore let it go. Now imagine it rising up the spinal channel and imagine that you release it out of the top of the head.

The Key to Letting Go

The key to letting go is to be totally fine with the ego being mad, a victim, envious, hating everyone, being wounded and all the rest. Of course it loves all that yummy stuff! Does a dog love a bone? All ego positions are really fun and satisfying for the ego, and we feel that way too as long as we’re aligned with it. That is only natural. So the key is to be okay with the ego/mind feeling however it does, but at the same time, to remember we are not the ego and not go along with its games. We’re the ones ultimately in charge of the actual behavior, right?

Walk Away

This is a lot like walking away from a video game, chocolate cake or any pleasure when you feel really hooked on it. Walk away. Consciously choose love over the ego’s pleasure. It can feel hard at first, yet remembering your true dedication in life will give you the power you need. It will also help you realize that the ego’s position is what is in the way of love, not whatever another (or the world) has done to you.

Realize You Have Changed

The original situation has changed now because you have changed; you are not participating with the ego in the same way and you can see things in a new light.

You chose to stand in the light of your being over aligning with the ego/mind – even if just for a moment, or even if it seemed you were just saying the words but not feeling it. This is the most powerful choice you can make in your life; and every time you do it strengthens your ability to so so again. The more you remember your true dedication and turn away from the ego/mind, the more you remember who you are and the way of purpose, peace and happiness.